pennywhistle

From my mom ^_^

> Their number's up!
>
> At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual
> later discovered to be a public school teacher
> was arrested trying to board a flight while in
> possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square,
> a slide rule, and a calculator.
>
> At a morning press conference, Attorney general
> John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member
> of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being
> charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math
> instruction.
>
> "Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said.
> "They desire average solutions by means and
> extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a
> search of absolute value. They use secret code
> names like "x"and "y" and refer to themselves as
> "unknowns", but we have determined they belong to
> a common denominator of the axis of medieval with
> coordinates in every country.
>
> "As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say,
> there are 3 sides to every triangle," Ashcroft
> declared.
>
> When asked to comment on the arrest, President
> Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better
> weapons of math instruction, He would have given
> us more fingers and toes.
>
> "I am gratified that our government has given us a
> sine that it is intent on protracting us from
> these math-dogs who are willing to disintegrate us
> with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians
> love to inflict plane on every sphere of
> influence," the President said, adding: "Under the
> circumferences, we must differentiate their root,
> make our point, and draw the line."
>
> President Bush warned, "These weapons of math
> instruction have the potential to decimal
> everything in their math on a scale never before
> seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power
> and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex."
>
> Attorney General Ashcroft added, "As our Great
> Leader would say, read my ellipse. Here is one
> principle he is uncertainty of: though they
> continue to multiply, their days are numbered as
> the hypotenuse tightens around their necks."